Friday, September 24, 2010

I Have Issues: Sidewalk Rage

The streets of Downtown Seattle frustrate me, but not because of all the traffic. Most of you who know me know that I don't drive. And I don't mean I just don't have a car, I've never had my license. I learned to drive when I was 15, but I wasn't great at it and I feel like if you can't do something well you shouldn't do it at all, amiright? I think when I tell the story to new people it includes a few bits about my parents and how they never really wanted to let me practice because we like to avoid stress as much as possible in our family (aka laziness). I also talk about how two of my best friends in high school were in the same driver's ed car as I was and there was a little bit of ridicule and boy can I not take criticism well. How dare they laugh when I drove right up on to a street corner? OH, and then I mention how many car wrecks that both of those girls got in within the next few years after getting their licenses. I'm still not sure my best friend Shannon ever goes the actual speed limit. (Shannon - I say that with ALL the love in my heart!)

So, I take the bus and walk places. It isn't so bad. Not that I enjoy taking two hours out of my day to go visit my future in-laws, or having to leave events early because the last bus is coming, but I manage. Dan drives, but we also don't have a car, so that doesn't help so much. And even if we did have a car, I really really wouldn't want to drive it, and he wouldn't want to be my chauffeur as lovely as that idea sounds to me. I don't want to operate something that is a million times stronger than I am. I could like, hurt people or something. That would TOTALLY suck.

Also, I have this rage issue. Even when I'm not the one driving I will usually be the one getting angry at the guy cutting us off and end up flipping people off. Rage is not a good trait in a driver, I think. I don't want to find myself in a situation with someone who has even more rage than me, either. I could end up getting myself all shot up and crap. No good.

I mean, I can't even walk down the street without getting angry, which gets me back to my original point. The frustrating SIDEWALKS of Downtown Seattle. I work in the heart of the shopping area here, and that means that most of the people walking around do not have a specific destination. They are on the scenic route, leisurely window shopping and chatting along the way. This is not good for me and my rage issues, particularly when I DO have a specific destination, work for example. Don't all these well meaning individuals know that they are in my effing way? Why must they walk at a snail's pace? And then they walk in groups, side by side, so there is no way to pass. Add into it the weird promotional event happening outside of the mall that is spilling out onto the sidewalk with gawking onlookers and a hoard of Children International reps trying to get me to give them money and it is about enough to make me want to punch a baby. And it wells up inside of me so that by the time I get to work, even the slightest annoyance makes me seethe with fiery anger. Or maybe I'm on my way to catch a bus, and then I miss my bus by mere seconds. I want to take everything I am holding and just throw it on the ground. You know, like this guy:

I mean, I probably won't do it. Well, unless I've been drinking, then it is usually my cell phone that suffers in that situation. I'm trying really hard to be as nice as possible to my new iPhone, though. That would just be sad.

In short, it is probably a really good idea that I don't drive, considering just walking down the street can turn me into an angry gorilla on steroids.


  1. And why are those Children International reps so creepy? They're always holding up clipboards and chanting, "come here ... come heeerrrre ..." all ghosty-like. They give me the shivers.

  2. There are a few dudes out there all the time and they act like they're hitting on me or something? And most of the time it just makes me feel like they are making fun of me. The one with the beard needs to be smacked.