Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Henceforth he will be known as DGlov

Donald Glover, you guys. Comedian/Actor/Rapper/Writer (Hot/Fashionable/Nerd?)

Donald Glover. Childish Gambino. Derrick Comedy. Community.

No really, this guy. I just.

Ok, perhaps I should start again and write some sentences. Have you heard of Donald Glover yet? (I'm guessing if you have read my blog, your answer is yes - he's even on my LIST.) For one, he is the most popular Donald search on Google now, above Trump and way above Duck. Yet for some reason a lot of people I know don't know who he is. You should know who he is so you can partake in the greatness.

I'm probably not his biggest fan. There are a ton of people who didn't discover him on the new NBC sitcom Community and knew him first from Derrick Comedy. But Community was where I found him. I watched the show faithfully for the entire first season because Joel McHale is awesome (and hot), and also from where I live. He even went to the same drama school as Tall Dan, although years earlier.

I digress. Donald Glover! I fell in love with him the moment I saw this:

Ok, so I totally love Abed (Danny Pudi) too, but um, Donald makes me all swoony. So I looked up videos he was in and discovered Derrick and also a bunch of stand-up videos. My favorite was one where he talked about his Twitter account and how because someone (his dad I think?) had the screen name DonaldGlover already, so he did DonGlover. Which really looks a lot like DongLover. Tee-hee! Sadly, he changed it to MrDonaldGlover.

Speaking of Twitter, right around Christmas last year I almost DIED when I actually had this exchange with DONALD HIMSELF, OMG.
Can you EVEN?

It was just a small love at first, but it grew into full blown freak out fandom quite quickly (probably because I am a huge nerd). He's just so cute and funny, plus he is into FASHION. You guys, not a lot of straight dudes are that into fashion. Or at least the ones who are into fashion are also usually pretty irritating or pretentious. He may be pretentious, I'm not really sure. He at least doesn't seem like it, and so I can just hope he isn't, right?

I am totes in love with this picture from a photo shoot he did with Band of Outsiders for Spring 2010, SO CUTE OMG.
For more from this shoot, see HERE.

 (as an aside, while looking for this picture I came upon some photos of Jason Schwartzman for Band of Outsiders and DIED)

I work in "the fashion industry", heh, so I appreciate me some fashionable men. I'm not saying Dan doesn't have some style, but you know, he likes t-shirts and jeans. And being 30 feet tall, pants are enough of a challenge let alone finding t-shirts that are long enough while not being a huge tent. Digressing again. Let me get back to my point...
Donald is good looking, talented, stylish, funny. The whole package. He got a job working as a writer for 30 Rock directly out of college, guys, and won an Emmy I think? And then he QUIT this good job to pursue stand up! He's pretty much a prodigy. I love how he plays Troy on Community, so good at being endearing even though he is supposed to be a dumb jock. They could have taken that character in such a cliche direction with another boring actor, but they didn't and it works amazingly well.

Oh, and did I mention he is now rapping under the name Childish Gambino? Now, being a nerdy white girl from Seattle, I don't know much about hip hop. Yes, I like Kanye West, but I like to call that rap music for white people (along with Girl Talk, which is for hipsters), you know, starter hip hop. But there was no way I wasn't going to at least give him a listen, and I really liked it. It isn't supposed to be comedy, but it is funny and witty. You should check it out, particularly his mix tape "I Am Just A Rapper" (the 1st, I like 2 as well, but the 1st one is AWESOME!)
So now that I'm fully worked up into a total tizzy, he is coming to town!!!!1one!1 Yes, he is doing stand-up in Seattle at Bumbershoot, a long running popular music festival we have, this coming weekend and I am SO EXCITED. We're only going 1 day, and he just happens to be performing all 3. I'm going early even though he doesn't start until way later because there are these comedy passes you can get for certain shows to guarantee access, and you better believe I will move heaven and earth to make sure I am there. Or else I will perish! Oh, the drama! But another reason to be excited about this is that he will be in Seattle for THREE WHOLE DAYS. Which means I can pull some stalkerish shit, right? Who's with me? Let's stalk Donald Glover!

I only wish I were that ballsy/adventurous. I mean, I'd totally love to meet him and all, and I'd like to think I'd have something interesting to say, but I imagine it would most likely end up like this:

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The List

Dan and I recently made our lists. If you don't know what this means, let me refer you to this video (linked due to embedding being disabled).

Video: It's Laminated

Ok, so when we made our lists we used our phones. Here is my list:

I, like Ross, have had a hard time deciding who makes the final cut. Originally Joel McHale was not actually on my list. For some reason I had a temporary memory problem and didn't realize how hot he was? I was reminded last weekend while up late watching old reruns of a local sketch comedy show called Almost Live! that Joel was on before he became all famous. His hair wasn't as good as it is now, but he was so cute even back then. And cute + funny = a winning combination for Jessica. Also, it was really weird seeing him in the same sketch with Tracey Conway, who lives in my neighborhood and I regularly see walking her dog. Like, why can't Joel just be walking his dog in my neighborhood, dammit?

The problem with adding Joel is that I had to decide who to cut, and I'm still not 100% sure I made the right decision. Dan thought I should take off Donald Glover because my other celebrity crushes have been on my internal list much longer, but NO ONE MESSES WITH MY DGLOV! So that wasn't an option. Another thought would be to take off Paul Bettany, because while I think he is possibly one of the hottest men in the universe, I tend not to obsess over him quite as much. But then I thought about his butt in A Knight's Tale and well, HIS BUTT. There really is no question about Hugh Laurie and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. JGL is just a given, see exhibit A and exhibit B. And um, Hugh Laurie? House? Yes please. Wooster? I'll take a double order, thanks. Mr. Palmer! Totally. I could go on, but I think just the photo speaks for itself. Who could turn down those eyes?

So I removed Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes, I know, he may actually be the most adorable person in the known universe, and now I'm starting to regret his removal for Joel. But Joel is so cute! And did I mention funny? Community is the best sitcom in years! But do I really need two representatives from the same show? Also, he is a freaking family man. That actually makes me feel slightly guilty for lusting after him. For some reason it doesn't bother me with Hugh, his family has been around for a while and his kids are grown and stuff. And while Paul Bettany has a wife and children, his wife Jennifer Connelly is on Dan's list! We could just swap for a night, no hard feelings! But Joel, his wife is all cute and they are all young and have young babies and they are just so SO cute.

That is my dilemma. Which isn't really a dilemma because well, you know. Dan couldn't even make his full list, he just put Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson. Of all the hot famous ladies in the world he could only come up with two. So picky, that one. I mean, I guess that says something good about me? I don't know.

I suppose lamination is out, then. Luckily I can update my  list on my iPhone notepad, or else I'd really be in trouble. So fickle.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Oh, Joe

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I just LOVE YOU SO EFFING MUCH.

Originally found HERE on JGL's tumblr.

Nightmare on Dan Street

I'm in your brain, making you scared.

Tall Dan(tm) has what we think may be night terrors. Let me use an article from another website to explain.

"What Are Night Terrors?
Night terrors are known by several names: sleep terrors, night terrors, sleep terror disorder and pavor nocturnus. In all cases, the sleeper has very frightening dream episodes which, in turn, cause the sleeper to experience extreme physical effects for anywhere from five to thirty minutes. The sleeper may twist around in bed or sit up and cry out as a result of their fear, often with their eyes wide open in a stare, even though they remain asleep. 

A person with night terrors may also experience other physical changes which are usually associated with fear such as:
  • Rapid breathing – The sleeper can appear to be panting or trying to catch their breath.
  • Increased heart rate – The heart can be felt through the chest with a rapid rhythm.
  • Sweating – The sleeper might be sweating all over and may appear flushed as if they have been running.
Some people remember that they had a night terror the next morning. They may even remember what was frightening them and that they could not seem to wake up. They may remember vague images of frightening animals such as spiders or snakes or people who were trying to hurt them. On the other hand, most sleepers have no memory of the night terror when they wake up." 

The focus is on the highlighted portion above. But take the sitting up and crying out and add in him violently grabbing me and/or shielding me from whatever the scary thing happens to be. Sometimes he'll even talk to me, saying things that make absolutely no sense. Usually this happens when I am 100% sound asleep, dreaming of cute kittens and Donald Glover. Imagine being ripped from your happy place by someone who is acting like bombs are falling on your bed.

This happened a few nights ago, which also happened to be a night during our most recent heat wave. Our apartment gets very, very hot and I don't handle heat well when trying to sleep. We actually stayed up pretty late that night because it was so hot and we knew that we probably wouldn't get any quality sleep time until it had at least dipped below 80 degrees outside. I may have taken a vicodin and a benadryl to help with the sleeping (Just as an aside, I am not a drug addict, I spend way too much money on clothing to be able to afford a drug habit as well) so when my head finally hit the pillow I drifted to dreamland pretty much immediately. I'd say about 1:30 AM, maybe a little less than an hour after going to sleep, I was jolted awake by Dan violently sitting up, saying something loud and incoherent and putting his arm across me to hold me down. Remember "stopping short" from Seinfeld? Kind of like that, only scary and not at all funny. You may think I should be used to this, after all he has done it many times before. You forget that I was just woken from the sleep of the dead and my drug addled brain couldn't handle such things. So I basically thought it was zombie apocalypse time.

Thinking we were all about to die, I yelled "WHAT?" at him and he just stared at me, not moving, breathing heavily. Again, "WHAT? WHAT IS THE MATTER? WHAT IS HAPPENING?" and nothing, just *blink blink* crazed stare. I think then I shook him and asked him what the hell was going on. As soon as he started becoming aware of what was going on, I proceeded to flip out. I screamed and then went into the bathroom to calm the eff down. This is not a good way to deal with the situation, I realize, but my adrenaline was pumping and I had just prepared myself for zombies, so I wasn't feeling so great. Turns out Dan thought someone was coming in the bedroom to get us (maybe zombies?). At least I know when zombies do actually come in the bedroom to get us, Dan will try to protect me. He's a nice man.

Usually it is a giant spider or something equally scary and gross that is somewhere in the bedroom and about to get on me or him or kill/eat us. After a few minutes he either goes right back to sleep or wakes up and is all, "it seemed so real!" Here is my favorite exchange from one of his episodes:

Dan: OH MY GOD! (shoots straight up from bed and points at the closet)

Me: What is it?!

Dan: Oh my god, he's stuck! (still pointing at the closet)

Me: Who is stuck? (thinking somehow our cat Ron is stuck somewhere, even though the closet is closed and barricaded shut by laundry baskets)

Dan: HE IS STUCK!!! (more panic)

Me: Who, Dan, who is stuck? And where? (more panic)

Dan: Bob, he's stuck in the closet!

Me: Who is Bob?

Dan: A Pokemon.

Me: Um, hey Dan, go back to sleep.

Dan: What? Oh, ok.
PIKA! I'm in your closet! PIKA!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Mid Week

I just realized I didn't post one single thing last week, so I should probably update at least a little bit. Last week my cat Ron got sick and it was expensive, found out some bad news regarding my mom's health, worked my butt off getting ready for a big work meeting this week, forgot to take my antidepressants for too many days and ended the week with drinking too much, causing me to become very ill on Sunday. Good job, Jess.

This week I am in said big work meeting, which means my time when I get home is spent vegetating on the couch/bed trying as hard as I can not to use my brain for much. Also, this weekend I intend to spend time outside and perhaps try and change my skin color from palest pale to possibly tan. Or, more realistically, lobster. I'm going to try and get some knitting in, but I'm not sure blogging will be high on the list. But for you, dear 7 readers I actually have, I promise that next week I will work on something more substantial. Most likely a post all about my newest favorite obsession, writer/actor/comedian/rapper Donald Glover, who my friend Linda (hi Linda!) has christened DGlov. I love DGlov, the person AND the new nickname. Bet you can't wait to hear ALL about it.