Reflection

I'm sure I'm not the only blogger who wants to reflect on the past year today, but I have a lot to reflect on about 2010. I mean, I turned 30 and I got engaged and that enough is a big enough deal to look back on. I made a major decision about wanting to start a family next year as well. Heavy stuff and 2011 is shaping up to be another really big year.

Other great things that happened this year? I discovered the best podcast ever, WTF with Marc Maron. That was pretty good. I started a new hobby, canning, and am good at it and love doing it. I've rekindled my love of knitting, in fact I've knit two whole hats so far this week!





I've also spent a lot more time blogging and paying attention to what drives traffic here. There's been another lull recently I realize, but I'm trying and my main goal in 2011 is to blog more and to try and be more creative with my life and work. There has got to be a way that my passions can be channeled into something bigger than what they are right now. I would like to take a writing class, just need to figure out what kind of writing class.

I'm inspired by my friends and family who have had children in the past few years and seeing them succeed at parenting makes me feel more confident that Dan and I can, too. It's exciting!

It's been a long year and I'm looking forward to the coming year. Lots of things to look forward to and get excited about, and hopefully I'll share a lot of it here.

Out of Order

To say that my life right now is in utter chaos is grossly overstating the situation, but in my brain that is how I feel. Maybe I'm just down because of "lady time" or because I had quite the epic fall last week and still feel very achy from it. Or perhaps it is because my apartment is the kind of messy that would gross me out anywhere else but my own home. It could be that I'm in the middle of a week of crazy work meetings that make me feel frustrated and desperate for a nap. I just feel cluttered and like chores are building up and rather than doing anything productive I'd rather sit on the couch and zone out completely. And then in the middle of the night the past two nights I have woken up in a panic. That kind of heart racing, butterflies flying panic that makes it completely impossible to lie still let alone sleep. Is there something I have forgotten to do? Probably more like something I'm procrastinating.

I feel like I want to talk it out, tell people how I am feeling and then maybe I'll feel better. But typing this now makes me feel a bit more panicky and I start making a list in my head. The biggest bullet point on that list would be CLEAN THE DAMN APARTMENT. But as easy as that sounds to most of you, we've let it get to that overwhelming point where you think maybe moving or firebombing might be a great next step. So we decide that it is time to invite friends over for a little holiday thing that we did the last two years, and that will motivate us to clean. But I know we'll wait until the last minute to do it, and then I'll also have to be grocery shopping, cooking, going to the liquor store, getting the Christmas tree and decorating it. Meanwhile I have a desk that is towering over with wedding crap that I don't know what to do with for the next 8 months because putting it under the bed will only mean the cats will eat it. And if you think I am joking, you haven't met my cats.

Also, I want to make candy. I want to make peppermint bark and this toffee thing with graham crackers that my grandma makes. Oh, and I got a recipe for cake balls, which are pretty much little truffles but the insides are made out of cake and frosting. But I don't have time. I need more time! Because after work just isn't going to cut it. Maybe I'll stay up all night Friday night making candy, then clean all day on Saturday, then get the tree Sunday morning and decorate it while baking the cookies to decorate in the afternoon. But see, I don't have to make any candy at all, so why should I? Because that is the one thing that I want to do right now. I don't want to do chores, but I want to do something that is kind of like a chore because it is fun even though it is actually exhausting and stressful. I want to do it to relax. What?

I heart Marc Maron

This blog post is a long time coming and is the main reason I haven't written in a while, because I felt like I needed to give this post justice before I could talk about anything else. But then I realized that a blog post could never quite express all the thoughts and feelings I have about a complete stranger (wow, that sounds effing crazy). So I just built it up so much and couldn't do it. Now I just have to get it down and move on. Jeeze, that sounds nerdy. So this is mostly stream of consciousness.

There were two bad things about my trip to Los Angeles in October.

1) There are pretty much no photos of the wonderful weekend (particularly of Marc Maron in the hat I made him)
and
2) I drank my weight in sweet tea vodka, red wine and whiskey, resulting some uncomfortable cuddling and a hangover of epic proportions.

Other than that, the weekend was EFFING AWESOME. I went down to LA to visit my friends Adam, Linda and Nathan and to go see a live taping of the WTF Podcast with Marc Maron, my current total obsession. Now, I know Adam through Dan working with him a while back, and mostly Adam and I are friends through social networking sites such as Twitter. True, I had spent time with Adam and Linda while they lived in West Seattle, but not that much and I didn't know them very well. I'd met Nathan before, but I don't think I'd ever even had a full conversation with him. But somehow I became best-twitter-friends with all of them, so even though when I thought about it too much it seemed pretty weird, I went down and crashed on their couch. I shouldn't have thought about it too much, because they were great to stay with and we all got along as though we'd been friends for years.

Now, if you've read this blog before you are aware of my little obsessions. Never in my life have I gotten on a plane to go see one, though. I felt a little crazy the whole time leading up to it, and since I have crazy anxiety, I got all wound up. The night before my flight I went to a wedding event with a friend of mine who is also getting married and ended up having a lot of wine. I came home tipsy, had to finish packing and getting ready and then only ended up being able to sleep for about 3 hours because of my crazy nerves. My anxiety was running wild, and I also had a mean wine hangover. I woke up at like 2:30 AM and never went back to sleep. I just decided to go to the airport early because maybe that was why I was having panic time, that I was nervous about getting to the airport on time on the bus. That helped a little. By the time I actually got to L.A. I was just feeling tired. I honestly think that being so exhausted helped me not be so damn panicked, otherwise I'd have lost my mind that day leading up to getting to the live WTF taping at UCB.

I had a really great day with Adam and Nathan, too. Like I said, I really had nothing to be nervous about with them because they were awesome and we got along great. Oh, and they are completely hilarious. I also got to meet Nathan's sister Katherine who is awesome, and then Linda came home from work and we all went to UCB to see Marc Maron!

Did I mention that I had decided that I needed to bring Marc something? It's pretty common that his fans bring him stuff at shows, often times food items. I sort of find the concept weird since he constantly talks about his food issues on his podcast, so instead I decided to knit him a hat. Everyone needs hand knit hats, right? But I was super busy in the weeks leading up to my trip, so I ended up rushing to finish it about 20 minutes before we left for the theater. I never even got a picture of it, which makes me sad.

Traffic on the way to the theater was awful and I was screaming inside my head, but trying to just laugh it off and be normal around these people I didn't know very well. It's probably lucky that Dan didn't come with me, for some reason since I feel so comfortable around him I can unleash all my wrath on him when I'm freaking out. Poor Dan. But he wasn't there so I kept it in. Luckily we got there in plenty of time even with the soul crushing traffic and we got a fine parking spot.

My only celebrity sightings in LA were while we were standing in line - America Ferrera and Amanda Seyfried. I hate being one of those people impressed by celebrity, but I can't help it, it was pretty cool. But it did manage to make me even more nervous and freaked out. And then Marc Maron walked by and many things happened all at once. My friend Nathan has done artwork for Marc Maron for the podcast (he is very talented) and so he actually knows Maron. We decided before we got there that this was my in for giving Marc the hat, and that Nathan should say hello to get his attention and that was where I would come in. And that was pretty much how it happened. Again, no pictures, which is sort of depressing. I would have been cool to have a picture of Marc in the hat, it fit him perfectly! It was all too fast to get a photo and I didn't want to be a bother. I mean, I really admire the man, but partly because of that I didn't want to hold him up or annoy him too much. So I basically said I flew down from Seattle to see him and I knit him a hat. Even though there are no photos, I can still remember the big smile that spread across his face as he put the hat on. That is part of what is so great about him as a performer/entertainer, he really appreciates his fans and all they do for him and treats them like friends.

I was pretty much shaking from head to toe after that, but it was a huge relief too. So much build up for that small moment, but it was done and I could finally just relax already. Why am I such a spaz? Seriously? The show ended up hilarious,  he had on Charles Fleischer, the voice of Roger Rabbit and a very "out there" comedian. It was definitely a weird experience, but I laughed until I cried and then after I tweeted to Marc that I hoped he liked the hat and I got a response, which as you know from previous blog posts always makes me super happy.

I know, I'm like a 14 year old girl.

It's the little things, you know?

The rest of my trip was great. I got to spend quality time with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, ate food, drank too much, laughed too hard and generally had an awesome time. I wasn't there for long, but I did find out just how much of a home body I am. I was only gone 2 nights and I missed my cats and Dan a ton. Also? I hate flying. Ugh. But it was worth it, not just to see Marc Maron, but to connect with my friends down there.

Here is the part that is going to sound like a big old love letter to Marc Maron, but you know, I just want to convert you all to listen to the podcast and also go see him at Laughs in Kirkland with me in February, or if you are in another state he is touring around, so you should catch him near you.

I of course think that Marc is a hilarious comedian, but the reason why I enjoy him and  his podcasts so much is more than him just being funny. He is a very intelligent and well spoken person who conveys very relate-able emotions through his podcast. I came in late to the podcast, discovering it at Bumbershoot in August because Donald Glover was at the taping and we happened to have some time to kill. But I've gone back and listened to most of them and his podcast is like a revelation. It is amazing to listen to him turning his life around, growing and changing as a person. Starting out as a downtrodden man in the midst of a divorce and a stalled career and using the podcast medium to change things. He is open and honest and raw, and this honesty inspires his guests to open up to him. He has an amazing amount of empathy and that makes the interviews so much more personal feeling than anything I've listened to before. It touches me and others and makes us feel less alone, just having someone to listen to that struggles, but still gets it.

I also really find the subject of comedy and the behind the scenes of it all to be extremely interesting, so that is a big part of it as well. I've been a comedy fan since I was a kid, it was one of the few things that my dad and I really related on in addition to music. I remember watching Cosby specials, Seinfeld's stand-up, The Gary Shandling Show and The Tracy Ullman Show at a pretty young age. It was something we shared that I loved and have continued to love throughout my life.

Marc Maron is known for having a bit of a temper, which I can relate to as I have similar anger issues. But just as the guest at the live taping I went to Brendon Burns said during the podcast "I am losing my warmth" it seems a little bit like Marc is losing his edge. Or maybe his edge was exaggerated. He seems happier, and I don't think he needs to be angry to be funny. His evolution is inspiring.

He is also incredibly accessible to  his fans, responding on twitter to people regularly as if we're just a bunch of his friends. It helps this hopelessly obsessive girl a bit, gives me more of a connection. Something that is super rare. I remember a podcast where he talks about meeting Lou Reed and wanting to have his moment with him and how you can never really have the full connection that you desire from someone you look up to in that way, and he was right. I'm probably not ever going to actually be one of Marc's friends, but I do feel included in a community of his fans, and I feel like he tries as hard as  he can to make his fans feel like friends, and that is enough for me.

I'll probably continue to have crazy anxiety about crap like this, like how I agonized over which of 4 shows to buy tickets to when he comes to do stand up in February, but I used my better judgment and did not actually buy tickets to more than one show because I don't want to seem like a LUNATIC. I promise, other than a crazy case of anxiety, I'm pretty sane. I SWEAR.

If you've made it this far into the ramblings from my brain, you should totally listen to the most recent WTF Podcast that came out on Thanksgiving. Marc says some lovely things about gratitude and touches on a lot of what I've talked about here.

I did, did you?

If you haven't voted, do it. If you have to wait until tomorrow, make sure to make time to do it. JUST DO IT ALREADY, JEEZE!

Goodbye Little Girl

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I have a few weird feelings about this, like didn't I *just* turn 21? Or wait, wasn't it just like, 2 years ago when I was still 18 years old and I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. Maybe I still don't know! And are those more grey hairs coming out of my head? How did this happen? This aging thing?

But then, didn't a ton of things happen in my twenties? Like, I moved out on my own, moved 5 different times, had a variety of roommates and lived by myself for the first time ever. I got a cat, had to put him to sleep and then got two more (and then another 1 later, but she really is Dan's still). I made a lot of new friends, maintained some really great old friendships, rekindled some friendships and alienated some along the way. I dated numerous guys, a good portion of them really lame. I had 1 long term relationship end, 1 terrible long term relationship unfold and then now am in the best relationship of my life and getting married next year. Lots of my friends got married or had babies or both. My mother survived breast cancer. I have had 7 different jobs in my twenties! Loads of things happened, so I guess the time didn't really fly like I thought. Or maybe it did. I don't know. I'm not even sure what time is.

I do know one thing, I have had approximately 5,968 different hairstyles from the ages of 20-30.

In fact, I made a nice photo set on flickr that you should check out featuring random photos of me throughout my twenties. And because blogs are boring without pictures, here is a teaser collage.

I like to take photos of myself. What?

And Don't Call Me Shirley

Dear Mr. Guy Who Shakes That Box In My Face For Money and then Gives The Peace Sign and Calls Me Darlin,

Please stop shaking that box in my face and giving me the peace sign. I just want to get some pho or walk to H&M and I find you very irritating. Also, shaking a box in peoples face and giving the peace sign isn't a job. Please find more productive employment.

Oh, and my name isn't Darlin' or Sweetie or whatever it is you say to me and every other woman who walks by.

Thanks,
J.See

Hermione vs. The Beach Towel

Kitty Picspam

It has been a while since I've posted pictures of the bitches, felt like it was time.

This is what success looks like!

I made marmalade!

 My first time and I couldn't be more proud. The only time I have ever made anything jam or jelly like was 3 years ago when I made pepper jelly. That almost feels like cheating because then I used packaged pectin. This time I used a recipe with just oranges, lemons, sugar and water and it came out great! I don't have a candy thermometer, so I couldn't check temperature, but I did a chilled plate test and that worked great. The marmalade set up perfectly! Within 30 seconds of removing the jars from the water bath I heard the lovely popping sound of a successful vacuum seal! It tastes really good, too. It is sweet, but really flavorful and I didn't scorch it at all while cooking. HOORAY!

like studying, only more fun

I often have people asking me to teach them how to do things that I do pretty easily, like cooking, canning, baking and knitting. Sometimes computer stuff, but I'm not really that technical, I'm just good at problem solving/figuring things out. But for all the homey stuff I do, I'd say I'm probably around 98% self taught. Sure, someone showed me how to cook the first time, and knit the first time, but after that it all came down to what information I could find in books, on TV or on the internet.

I was never a great student in school because I didn't really like doing homework. Now, by homework I mean the work part of the equation. Reading up on a subject and listening to lectures was fun for me and I always did incredibly well on tests. But if I needed to turn in a paper or my work on mathematical equations, etc, I never did well because I was super lazy. I just learn from absorbing. That is how it is with cooking for me. Like studying. I take the time to commit a recipe to memory as if I were preparing for an exam. Because it is hard to do everything so quickly, which is usually how things need to be done, when you have to stop every 30 seconds and read the next step. Now, I'm not saying I don't have the recipe with me when I'm cooking as a cheat sheet, I'm just saying I try to really know what I am about to do way before I actually do it. It is just better for the final result. So, nothing I do really takes any special skill other than researching the stuff so I know it well.

Also, finding out the science of things can help too. I really like to wing it when I cook things, but when it comes to baking and canning, you can't just make things up and expect them to work. There is a science to it, but if you know the science than you can figure out how to make subtle changes without ruining the overall result. In baking this usually means something like replacing a portion of liquid with another liquid to give it a different flavor, or using a different color sugar or a different type of flour to change the texture.

Canning is a little different, just because you really have to have something exact to make it safe. But there are a lot of safe and approved recipes, so if you research and study all of the recipes you can find, you can figure out how to merge them if you want to tweak things a little based on your preferred ingredients. For instance, I am making a recipe from Ina Garten (The Barefoot Contessa) called Anna's Orange Marmalade currently (it is in the overnight phase right now), but because I read in a few other recipes that you can enhance the flavor by replacing the water with orange juice, and because I saw some lime added in yet another recipe, I replaced 1 cup of the water with lime juice I happened to have. It still has the right amount of liquid, just slightly changed to add a little extra sourness.

A big thing with all of this is finding out WHY you are doing something. Why do you need yeast in bread? Because it won't rise if you don't use it. Why do you need lemon juice or vinegar in canned salsa? Because you need a certain level of acidity to kill harmful bacteria. Why do you need to yarn over or knit into the front and back of a stitch? Because you need to increase a stitch. Once you start figuring out why things work the way they do, that is why you can be more creative. I see people having issues with their knitting more because they don't know how many stitch variations work, yet they also don't want to follow a pattern. I too don't like to follow certain patterns very strictly, but it is a lot easier if you know why a stitch does something so you don't need to follow a pattern. However, with lace, I have no patience for figuring out my own fancy patterns, so I stick to the instructions on those. But even when I have an exact pattern, I read the whole thing first to make sure I understand all the instructions and can anticipate what will be next.

It is all about studying up and knowing what you are doing. Nothing I do is all that complicated, I just spend a good amount of prep time figuring things out first so then I don't feel like I'm jumping into something scary.

Also, the biggest thing? If you do screw things up it isn't the end of the world. I've made some real messes for dinner before, and hand to unravel many a knitting project. I think we all need to learn to be a little less scared to mess up and less concerned about the wasted time, and more interested in the learning process.